*DESERT CAMP 08* Bisbee, brothels and booze - it's all downhill from here

ASK ultracycling legend Lon Haldeman to describe the new-look Bike Friday Arizona Desert Camp, now in its second sell-out year and sixth overall year, and he might murmur something like "one big, cushy rest stop interrupted by a few crank turns …".

What's not to love about slumming it in characterful, historic hotels, dressing up for an artsy wine and cheese interlude, riding an old ore train into the bowels of a copper mine, being seduced by comely rides in a bicycle brothel, making a border run for a genuine taco and more … all no more distant from each other than a butt-friendly 53 miles a day?

That's how 55 riders spent a week of the north American winter at Desert Camp, now known as Bike Friday Week: Tour of Historic Towns and Inns. Once again, RAAM champs and hosts Lon Haldeman and Susan Notorangelo (pictured right in front of the Copper Queen hotel) warned anyone that arriving at the hotel too early champing at the cleat for your room key was a no-no, punishable by getting no room key. Why? It's a tour, not a race.

"It's easy, we just left rest stops half an hour to an hour after everyone else, and we got there on time," said Steve Chang, who led the pack last year and returned for some R&R in the sun.

Steve found a Bike Friday in a book he was reading: The Tour de France by Graham Fife. It's award-winning MTV music video director Nigel Dick and his yellow Pocket Rocket Pro. Take a look!

Meet the Fridays. Every year up to four BF staff or guests attend Camp to mingle with the fold. Camp'08 had a poignant prologue. Bike Friday co-founder Hanz Scholz and wife Lisa were set to come but sadly, Grandma Mary Esther Scholz passed away. Alan and Hanz wrote moving apologies which we read out to the group. From the factory were Office Manager (Gal Friday) Nicole Tiffany, Customer Service Tech Tim Link, Sales Expert Bruno Lindelein, and Bike Friday Customer Evangelist Lynette Chiang (me).

The Bike Friday community has some fascinating folks in the fold – this year we were excited that Lou Ignarro, Novel Laureate in Medicine 1998, was riding with us. What does a Nobel Laureate do on a Friday? "Eat good food, get good exercise, and breathe through your nose to generate beneficial nitric oxide," said Lou. Better go google that one and Lou's name to see why!

We had several Camp alumni including Andrejs Ozolins, Ben Blum, Judy Norris, and Jireh Chao, all escaping the northern freeze, plus folks I met on Route 66, Peru, RAGBRAI … it's like all roads lead back to the same rest stop.

"Of all people who can't talk … you are the most unfortunate," proclaimed Judge Krichman, who could barely contain his mirth. Yes, for the second year in a row, I lost my voice on the plane somewhere between Hawaii and Tucson. Last year my laryngitis lasted almost a month, causing me to cancel a talk. I've been wanting to tone down the verbal diarrhoea in my movies, but I get so excited when I meet Friday folk I keep forgetting to put a lid on it. Perhaps this was divine intervention?

E.N.T. surgeon Carlton offered me some powerful meds that caused spirited debate among the half dozen doctors, scientists and nurses on the camp, not to mention me, who hates taking anything more sinister than powdered stevia. (Don't they all go to a med school? wondered Nicole). I finally caved in when offered this piece of data:

"I treat singers and athletes who have to be up and running fast," said Dr Carlton.

"I get paid to speak worldwide and if I lose my voice before an important speech, I take action," said Nobel Laureate pharmacologist Lou.

Is my job is to be up and running? Does a chicken have hard lips? So I took the bait, and was ready to sing opera barely a day and a half later. Carlton assures me I will not start looking or sounding like Arnie Schwarzenneggar.

They give good glute … PACTOUR took the innovative step of issuing a luxurious massage coupon worth $25 to every rider. We could choose between PACTOUR veteran and expert grilled cheese sandwich maker Barb Bohaty, or a young and tanned, cowboy-hatted John Jahant. Hmmmmm, tough choice … will the cowboy wear that black hat during the session?

"And the chaps too, if so requested, and if I can work out how to attach them to my cleats," said Jon, who had a way of saying "yezma'am" that would make any gal with a pulse weak at the knees …

A peek behind the swinging curtain On the opening night we screened the 2007 BF Factory Tour. It roams throughout the factory face by face, giving viewers an insight into the conception, gestation and birth of a Bike Friday. This video has been a great persuader for some shoppers and dealers - one dealer called to sign himself up as tikit agent after seeing it. Please point your big-wheeled friends and prospective bike shop owners to that link so we can spread the word …

A kingdom for a horse, a big, red horse On day 2 we ventured to the Sonita Inn, a glorious stable-inspired hotel dedicated to the racehorse Secretariat. (An overflow group lodged 12 miles further on in Patagonia). I was delighted that the gourmet Canela Bistro was still serving wonderful nouveau southwestern cuisine across the road. Last year, the transplanted Seattle owners had hoped Sonoita would become "the next Napa Valley". With several new vineyards popping up in what looks to be a dustbowl, business must be looking very fertile indeed. Also, I tried unsuccessfully for the second year in a row to get into the Grasslands Wholefoods Café (1 long block behind the Sonoita), before it closed – at 3pm this time. One year I'll get to try the delicious wholemealier-than-thou treats we saw with our noses pressed up against the glass door right on closing time last year …

Tombstone tales. Some riders caught the 40 minute reenactment of the Gunfight at the OK Corral, where Doc Holliday and the Earps gunned down the Clantons. Tombstone is a sleepy little place like Hollywood's Universal Studios on Xanax. Here you can buy some fancy western belts and spot genuine cowboys glued to their cellphones in the dusty main street ...

Beauteous Bisbee. At day 4 and 5, riders were treated to a layover day in artsy historic Bisbee. Digs were the majestic Copper Queen Hotel, with its labyrinth of lounges, puffy chairs and olde world charm. Some stayed in Bisbee so they could dress like a fire fighter and tour the copper mine. Most took a day trip to Douglas, lunching at the historic Gadsden Hotel. From there you could make a run for the border and go get a real taco. See last year's video clips for that excursion.

The Bisbee Bicycle Brothel. The luxurious layover day allowed a leisurely visit to the Bisbee Bicycle Brothel, a treasure house of olde steeds owned by Ken Wallace. Ken lives within eyeshot of his store so will often come down and open up as you please.

"I've been to a lotta bike shops and something I've never seen a 1945 Columbia Paratrooper bike like I had," said "a little guy about 70" – Gerd Rosenblatt, who I met on PACTOUR's Route 66 expedition.

"You mean like that one?" said Ken.

He also has a car-Bone fiber dog bowl (see picture of dogless Glen Martin with the bowl) for close to a hundred bucks. "Needed a bit of bling in here," he said.

One of our party, Tom from Portland, bought a '1964 Bianchi Specialisimma' off the wall. By consensus, Tom was also awarded an impromptu "strongest rider award" at the end of the week – a bracelet inscribed "LANCE" that I found in a Bisbee antique store's $1 drawer.

Bike Friday clinics. PACTOUR's Desert Camp format normally offers two technical clinics a day, but we thought riders would be far more interested in browsing galleries and sipping coffees over trashy novels than listening to us talk about shifters and cogs. We were wrong – people asked for seminars, and Lon was concerned that there mightn't be a reliable meeting room at some hotels. Little did he realize that BF folks are expert adaptors, and think nothing of sprawling out on the beds in a cramped motel room or coffee annex when it's anything to do with Bike Friday.

Bruno demonstrated and chatted about the tikit, using his clever 'wine bottles' analogy - that is, the stem and seatmast resemble the necks of two wine bottles, so manhandle them accordingly.

Tim rode the Express tikit in his tennis shoes and, as I experienced in Hawaii and New York, discovered just how versatile and fun the bike really is.

He intrigued folks with his alkaline Paleolithic diet, which has seen him lose weight like an anvil thrown from a hot air balloon, yet maintain excellent health and the strength to easily keep up with the fastest riders. Tim's diet in an organic nutshell: no grains or processed foods, no extracted oils, flours or sugars, just fruit, veges, meat, eggs, fish and in a window of no more than 6 hours. Dead simple really … where did that giant bag of Kettle Chips from CostCo go?

Now some links to bookmark. Tim demonstrated how to adjust the SRAM 3-speed hub clickbox . There's also a clip of Lon setting the CatEye computer – hands up who can never remember how to do it after losing that giant multilingual instruction sheet?

The tour of an unhistoric town and hotel. 5 out of 7 days ain't bad - meaning, you can't go far in America without stumbling into a lacklustre service town and Motel 8. Benson was the penultimate stop, which provided no distractions whatsoever. A perfect place then, for a Bike Friday seminar. We all packed into one of the motel rooms and watched Bob and Michelle Immler's Thailand tour with Friday Friendly Tour Company Pedalers Pub and Grille. They even visited the town of the "long necked women" Now that we have the Capreo, I might try that with our surplus of 62 tooth chainrings! Benson did have an excellent Italian restaurant however, opposite Safeway, which served up the best homemade rice, bean and ham hock soup. From a semi-vegetarian that's sayin' something.

The last word …

"This little bike goes like stink when you put 500 lbs on it." Dave and Eric, totaling 500 lbs, rode a Two'sDay over several stretches. The vedict?

"Through pain comes enlightment," said Eric, who, was all but bursting out of his lycra to start the Bike Friday Club of Atlanta while on the tour.

Thank you Lon, Susan, Roger, Debby, Mark, Patricia, Barb and Jon crew for another yee-hah Desert Camp - LC

RELATED LINKS

Bike Friday Desert Camp

Friday Friendly Tour Companies